The Squishy Handshake upon arrival

[egoodell]

Also...see I have much to say on this subject, there IS a divide between North and South on this one. Small town vs big city. West Coast vs East.
Seriousely. A southerner always shakes hands, kids, ladies, all of them. Scroungey lookin' covered in red dirt - missin' teef, they shake your hand after wiping theirs on their overalls first.
My sister lives in Europe, so they have to KISS you, people they know- Kiss, People they don't know - Kiss. Kiss Kiss Kiss and a fake little shoulder embrace type hug. No bear hugs..

My sister lives in Europe, so they have to KISS you, people they know- Kiss, People they don't know - Kiss. Kiss Kiss Kiss and a fake little shoulder embrace type hug. No bear hugs.

There is also a divide between North and South in Europe about the kissing. Try to kiss someone from Norway, Sweden or Germany. Normally it will not happen especially with people you don't know.
I would bet your Sister is living in France or more South. There it's more common to Kiss.
Oh, of course there is one time in Germany during Carnival where everybody kisses everybody but only in the region of cologne where they really go mad during Carnival.
.

Oh, of course there is one time in Germany during Carnival where everybody kisses everybody but only in the region of cologne where they really go mad during Carnival.

Ah are you speaking of Fashing? I can't spell it - it's the week of festival and anything goes? When my parents were first in Germany, my father forgot to explain Fashing to my mother. She was in for a suprise....!
Riki
.

Gotcha, yes it´s Fasching. You nearly spellt it right. Chapeau.
I just call it the “fifth season of the year”. Your MOther really must got traumatized.
.

Gotcha, yes it´s Fasching. You nearly spellt it right. Chapeau.
I just call it the “fifth season of the year”. Your MOther really must got traumatized.

Well not traumatized, she had a good sense of humor. But she was very pretty and my father I know had had a few beers and he tossed her in the back seat of the car with a friend that he was driving home, with another friend up front, and she was very surpised at how friendly the fellow sitting next to her was!
Riki

 

[Don Draper]

Tim,
Perhaps your guests just need a few minutes to unwind in the car when they first arrive. Maybe they are not prepared to be immediately met by you and feel a bit overwhelmed by your prompt attention, especially after a long drive or plane trip.
We shake hands upon arrival and always hug upon departure, unless it's a returning guest and then we always hug when they arrive.

.

I should have seen this one coming. Sorry for not having every "i" dotted and "t" crossed.
I don't run out to the car while its running or the wheels are still spinning.
I'm in the reception room at my desk usually catching up on emails, trying to be as clear as possible with folks here, paying bills, etc. when they pull in.
Sometimes, I'm even folding laundry or ironing and can hear the tires on the gravel as they pull in the drive, or I'm unloading the dishwasher, setting the dining room tables if its after 6:00pm, or any of the other dozen or so chores that make up my afternoons and early evenings.
TMI, but sometimes I even go take a dump during our check out hours, and try to listen for car doors, so I can hurry.
When I see the car doors open, both people's feet hit the ground and them looking around like "WTF is our host?" or "Is this the place?" I calmly and casually walk out of the house and approach them.
.

TMI, but sometimes I even go take a dump during our check out hours, and try to listen for car doors, so I can hurry.

Well now you've just hit on the all-time best way to get someone to arrive that you've been waiting and waiting for...just drop your pants and have a seat and DING DONG, there goes the doorbell! Murphy's law at its best...

.

Oh for sure. If unsure of a guest's arrival time or if we have plans we're crossing our fingers to still do, I have two sure fire ways of getting a guests to arrive.
Go do a number 2 or pick up the phone and call a long distance friend or relative to catch up.
.

OR sit down to eat lunch/dinner. Works like a charm!

 

[gillumhouse]

Tim,
Perhaps your guests just need a few minutes to unwind in the car when they first arrive. Maybe they are not prepared to be immediately met by you and feel a bit overwhelmed by your prompt attention, especially after a long drive or plane trip.
We shake hands upon arrival and always hug upon departure, unless it's a returning guest and then we always hug when they arrive.

.

I should have seen this one coming. Sorry for not having every "i" dotted and "t" crossed.
I don't run out to the car while its running or the wheels are still spinning.
I'm in the reception room at my desk usually catching up on emails, trying to be as clear as possible with folks here, paying bills, etc. when they pull in.
Sometimes, I'm even folding laundry or ironing and can hear the tires on the gravel as they pull in the drive, or I'm unloading the dishwasher, setting the dining room tables if its after 6:00pm, or any of the other dozen or so chores that make up my afternoons and early evenings.
TMI, but sometimes I even go take a dump during our check out hours, and try to listen for car doors, so I can hurry.
When I see the car doors open, both people's feet hit the ground and them looking around like "WTF is our host?" or "Is this the place?" I calmly and casually walk out of the house and approach them.
.

TMI, but sometimes I even go take a dump during our check out hours, and try to listen for car doors, so I can hurry.

Well now you've just hit on the all-time best way to get someone to arrive that you've been waiting and waiting for...just drop your pants and have a seat and DING DONG, there goes the doorbell! Murphy's law at its best...

.

Oh for sure. If unsure of a guest's arrival time or if we have plans we're crossing our fingers to still do, I have two sure fire ways of getting a guests to arrive.
Go do a number 2 or pick up the phone and call a long distance friend or relative to catch up.
.

OR sit down to eat lunch/dinner. Works like a charm!
.

For me it is run to the grocery. Huff, huff, huff

 

[SweetiePie]

OR try to slip in a shower in order to freshen up. Never fails.

 

[Tim_Toad_HLB]

OR try to slip in a shower in order to freshen up. Never fails..

Unrelated to this topic but maybe if every B&B in the world changed its name to Murphy's Law Inn, we could compete with the corporate hotel world better. LOL

 

[ginocat]

I try not to shake hands. I've had my hand hurt too many times by some guy who gives it a good squeeze.

 

[user 26]

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!

 

[The Farmers Daughter]

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!.

Your not alone. I don't do it either. My reason is pure practical necessity. I am a sole proprietor. I can not afford to be sick, so to avoid unnecessary germs I don't make a point of shaking hands with everybody who comes through the door. I am perfectly friendly however, just not overly demonstrative. I do have a winning smile and a welcoming personality.

 

[Morticia]

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!.

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!

Me, too. (cold NE fish)
But I was thinking about the whole greeting at the car because it IS a completely different model from the one I practice. And because I look at everything from my own point of view, I realized I would not want someone greeting me at the car, unless their entire reason was to carry the bags. After a long drive, probably spent arguing with hubs about the last wrong turn, and I'm hungry and out of sorts anyway, having to suddenly be friendly to a complete stranger would make me uncomfortable. I'd like to stretch, look around, get my bearings, work the kinks out but not immediately talk to someone. That walk from the car to the door is a great calmer. Like my kids walking home from school instead of taking the bus. Time to adjust to new surroundings and shake off the stress of the drive.
So, that's how I would look at it.
As long as the innkeepers answered the door with a smile, I wouldn't need them to greet me at my car.

 

[user 26]

that's one of the reasons i prefer b&b's to hotels ~~ always different! different innkeeping styles, too.

 

[egoodell]

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!.

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!

Me, too. (cold NE fish)
But I was thinking about the whole greeting at the car because it IS a completely different model from the one I practice. And because I look at everything from my own point of view, I realized I would not want someone greeting me at the car, unless their entire reason was to carry the bags. After a long drive, probably spent arguing with hubs about the last wrong turn, and I'm hungry and out of sorts anyway, having to suddenly be friendly to a complete stranger would make me uncomfortable. I'd like to stretch, look around, get my bearings, work the kinks out but not immediately talk to someone. That walk from the car to the door is a great calmer. Like my kids walking home from school instead of taking the bus. Time to adjust to new surroundings and shake off the stress of the drive.
So, that's how I would look at it.
As long as the innkeepers answered the door with a smile, I wouldn't need them to greet me at my car.
.

We greet from wherever we are at the moment. Door, car, trotting up from the vineyards, outside weeding. We aren't proud! They are touched, I have found, when I greet them with "Welcome to your birthday weekend at Arcady!" (They forget I have a menu they select to tell me what their reason for coming is - getaway, birthday, anniversary etc.)
Riki

 

[Tim_Toad_HLB]

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!.

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!

Me, too. (cold NE fish)
But I was thinking about the whole greeting at the car because it IS a completely different model from the one I practice. And because I look at everything from my own point of view, I realized I would not want someone greeting me at the car, unless their entire reason was to carry the bags. After a long drive, probably spent arguing with hubs about the last wrong turn, and I'm hungry and out of sorts anyway, having to suddenly be friendly to a complete stranger would make me uncomfortable. I'd like to stretch, look around, get my bearings, work the kinks out but not immediately talk to someone. That walk from the car to the door is a great calmer. Like my kids walking home from school instead of taking the bus. Time to adjust to new surroundings and shake off the stress of the drive.
So, that's how I would look at it.
As long as the innkeepers answered the door with a smile, I wouldn't need them to greet me at my car.
.

God, some of you folks are so literal and prone to micromanage everything someone besides yourself posts here.
I try to allow for nuance, some generalization on other members part and will quote your stuff if its an exact point you've made that I'm trying to respond to.
Can't you afford me and others the same consideration?
I never asked anybody to do it my way or approve or disapprove of my way, just comment on if you get an occasional "squishy handshake" or not and what you might think it means.
Just like I explained to CountryGirl, some days I'm not even out the front door and folks have worked their way to the house. I keep getting this image now of some of you picturing me or the other folks who proactively greet guests running out out of our front doors ready to tackle people as if we were carjackers or something.
"I realized I would not want someone greeting me at the car, unless their entire reason was to carry the bag"
You don't like it when guests only view you as subservient to them and they only care about their own needs and wants, but you'll do the same thing to another innkeeper?
I'm not a bellboy who will silently and subserviently grab your luggage and take it to your room then put the tip hand out. I'm your host coming to greet you and assist you.
How dark is it in front of your house? Are there street lights right in front?
Our place is in the country and despite having porch lights, path lights and a motion detector spot light illuminating the parking area when folks drive in, its frickin' dark. Most of our guests are coming from big cities where that level of general darkness is very unfamiliar to them. The overwhelming majority seem to really appreciate this friendly voice approaching with both a warm welcome, a flashlight and an offer to carry luggage.
"After a long drive, probably spent arguing with hubs about the last wrong turn, and I'm hungry and out of sorts anyway, having to suddenly be friendly to a complete stranger would make me uncomfortable."
Well, we must be much luckier than we think about the quality of our guests. The vast majority of our guests don't show up looking like they been through a ten round fight, have forded swollen streams, struggled gainst great odds to arrive safely, etc. Most by even first impressions appear to be as relaxed, as enthusiastic to be here as we are to have them and energized at the prospect of a wonderful stay at a place they've looked forward to coming to for months.
We're not complete strangers to most guests. The overwhelming majority have talked with us on the phone, through emails, read our little bio on our website, read reviews about us, have gotten their friends and family's "vetting" of us before they booked, etc.

 

[user 26]

hmmm ... how is my post that i wrote before tim's now after his?
as i said, and i'll repeat, i'm happy to encounter different kinds of innkeepers. i don't want to manage anyone else's place or tell them how to run it. your style is your style. that's what makes b&b's fun for me.

 

[GeorgiaGirl]

I hate little, wimpy handshakes! It makes me feel like the person is afraid to touch me!

 

[wendydk]

that's one of the reasons i prefer b&b's to hotels ~~ always different! different innkeeping styles, too..

SS is exactly right. Most guests get a feel for the kind of Inn you are by the time they halfway through your website. I've found that people that arrive here are happy to shake hands...AND it seems to immediately put the nervous ones at ease, especially since they have already read about the DH and myself, and even the dogs before coming....many of them greet me by MY first name and ask to meet the dogs by THEIR first names.
My guess is that those of you who don't shake hands or introduce yourselves are likely attracting guests that feel comfortable with that without even knowing it, just by virtue of how you present yourself on the website. Not knowing how most of you are, or having had the privelege of seeing your websites, this is just an educated guess. I could be wrong, but I bet you don't get any comments about being a "Cold NE Fish" or anything of the type. You mostly attract guests like yourselves...for the most part, but not always.

 

[Tim_Toad_HLB]

hmmm ... how is my post that i wrote before tim's now after his?
as i said, and i'll repeat, i'm happy to encounter different kinds of innkeepers. i don't want to manage anyone else's place or tell them how to run it. your style is your style. that's what makes b&b's fun for me..

I'm not sure if it depends on when someone else posts, or if in reply to a certain post, or if you hit reply or quote.
I wasn't responding to your post and found your responses to be perfectly fitting, obviously spoken from great experience and from a position of a person who shared the "innkeepeing is a labor of love" philosophy so many of us subscribe to.
Thanks.

 

[Tim_Toad_HLB]

that's one of the reasons i prefer b&b's to hotels ~~ always different! different innkeeping styles, too..

SS is exactly right. Most guests get a feel for the kind of Inn you are by the time they halfway through your website. I've found that people that arrive here are happy to shake hands...AND it seems to immediately put the nervous ones at ease, especially since they have already read about the DH and myself, and even the dogs before coming....many of them greet me by MY first name and ask to meet the dogs by THEIR first names.
My guess is that those of you who don't shake hands or introduce yourselves are likely attracting guests that feel comfortable with that without even knowing it, just by virtue of how you present yourself on the website. Not knowing how most of you are, or having had the privelege of seeing your websites, this is just an educated guess. I could be wrong, but I bet you don't get any comments about being a "Cold NE Fish" or anything of the type. You mostly attract guests like yourselves...for the most part, but not always.
.

SS is exactly right. Most guests get a feel for the kind of Inn you are by the time they halfway through your website. I've found that people that arrive here are happy to shake hands...AND it seems to immediately put the nervous ones at ease, especially since they have already read about the DH and myself, and even the dogs before coming....many of them greet me by MY first name and ask to meet the dogs by THEIR first names.
My guess is that those of you who don't shake hands or introduce yourselves are likely attracting guests that feel comfortable with that without even knowing it, just by virtue of how you present yourself on the website. Not knowing how most of you are, or having had the privelege of seeing your websites, this is just an educated guess. I could be wrong, but I bet you don't get any comments about being a "Cold NE Fish" or anything of the type. You mostly attract guests like yourselves...for the most part, but not always.

 

[Tim_Toad_HLB]

forgot to mention, that there is a limp 'dead fish' handshake that i've received and i don't know why some folks do that. maybe they were not taught how to shake hands? or they don't instinctively know how? i have worked with my special needs stepson on this ...
also, i think it was bree who mentioned the 'bone crusher' i actually said to a man who did that '' are you TRYING to hurt my hand? '' before literally pulling my hand out of his grasp because he did hurt my hand and i didn't like it one bit! i figured he was trying to show how macho he is .... not cool!!

The "why" was the reason for starting the topic to begin with. We've had some very illuminating and very educational responses that I've learned a tremendous amount from. Thanks to everyone.
Some of our male guests from that country to the Southeast of NM whose name starts with a T and has five letters in it, are very strong, vigorous handshakers. Good back patters too. LOL
Possibly a regional thing because they are also incredibly well-mannered. Good upbringings.

 

[swirt]

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!.

guess i'm a cold, new england fish !! ~~ i didn't shake my guests' hands upon arrival unless they offered theirs, which wasn't often. doesn't mean i didn't smile a lot and give them what to me was a warm welcome .... but i didn't bite ... not on their first visit!

Me, too. (cold NE fish)
But I was thinking about the whole greeting at the car because it IS a completely different model from the one I practice. And because I look at everything from my own point of view, I realized I would not want someone greeting me at the car, unless their entire reason was to carry the bags. After a long drive, probably spent arguing with hubs about the last wrong turn, and I'm hungry and out of sorts anyway, having to suddenly be friendly to a complete stranger would make me uncomfortable. I'd like to stretch, look around, get my bearings, work the kinks out but not immediately talk to someone. That walk from the car to the door is a great calmer. Like my kids walking home from school instead of taking the bus. Time to adjust to new surroundings and shake off the stress of the drive.
So, that's how I would look at it.
As long as the innkeepers answered the door with a smile, I wouldn't need them to greet me at my car.
.

That walk from the car to the door is a great calmer. Like my kids walking home from school instead of taking the bus. Time to adjust to new surroundings and shake off the stress of the drive.
So, that's how I would look at it.
I think part of that may be related to the arrangement of your inn. You would be coming out of and walking them to the same place you came from. I think Tim mentioned he has separate quarters on the property. We have separate quarters too so most of the time I am coming out of my quarters to meet guests in the parking area and walk them to their cabin. Otherwise it is not completely clear to them where they should go.
That being said, I can tell that most of the time people are happy to have some guidance to orient them and get them settled. On some occaisions though there are times when I can tell the people were just in the middle of a travel squabble or some other little thing that could have used more time to settle out...but it wouldn't have helped them settle if I didn't come out..they'd just be ticked over not quite knowing where to go.

 

[Tim_Toad_HLB]

that's one of the reasons i prefer b&b's to hotels ~~ always different! different innkeeping styles, too..

SS is exactly right. Most guests get a feel for the kind of Inn you are by the time they halfway through your website. I've found that people that arrive here are happy to shake hands...AND it seems to immediately put the nervous ones at ease, especially since they have already read about the DH and myself, and even the dogs before coming....many of them greet me by MY first name and ask to meet the dogs by THEIR first names.
My guess is that those of you who don't shake hands or introduce yourselves are likely attracting guests that feel comfortable with that without even knowing it, just by virtue of how you present yourself on the website. Not knowing how most of you are, or having had the privelege of seeing your websites, this is just an educated guess. I could be wrong, but I bet you don't get any comments about being a "Cold NE Fish" or anything of the type. You mostly attract guests like yourselves...for the most part, but not always.
.

Not knowing how most of you are, or having had the privelege of seeing your websites, this is just an educated guess.

A very salient point for so many of the topics discussed here.