Things to do in '17

[Silverspoon]

My list would add, put the responsible one in charge of that paperwork.
Have the paperwork available, and not in a place where you need the paperwork to get the paperwork.
Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen..

Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen.

Especially if the person is going into a nursing home. Apparently the only money they can't seize is if you've prepaid your funeral.
Dad paid his funeral off a week or so before he died. Funeral director was aghast when he saw me and brother: "We didn't even know your dad was sick!"
And, yes, I'm in a battle with the bank as they froze the accounts. Luckily, the funeral check had cleared.
.

I would add
Have executor's name on all bank accounts so funds are available after death of co-owner. (I had no problems paying my mother's bills after her death since everything she owned was in my name as well as hers.)

 

[Generic]

My list would add, put the responsible one in charge of that paperwork.
Have the paperwork available, and not in a place where you need the paperwork to get the paperwork.
Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen..

Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen.

Especially if the person is going into a nursing home. Apparently the only money they can't seize is if you've prepaid your funeral.
Dad paid his funeral off a week or so before he died. Funeral director was aghast when he saw me and brother: "We didn't even know your dad was sick!"
And, yes, I'm in a battle with the bank as they froze the accounts. Luckily, the funeral check had cleared.
.

The bank told me to bring my father in with me to sign paperwork.... after his death.

 

[Morticia]

My list would add, put the responsible one in charge of that paperwork.
Have the paperwork available, and not in a place where you need the paperwork to get the paperwork.
Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen..

Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen.

Especially if the person is going into a nursing home. Apparently the only money they can't seize is if you've prepaid your funeral.
Dad paid his funeral off a week or so before he died. Funeral director was aghast when he saw me and brother: "We didn't even know your dad was sick!"
And, yes, I'm in a battle with the bank as they froze the accounts. Luckily, the funeral check had cleared.
.

The bank told me to bring my father in with me to sign paperwork.... after his death.
.

The bank told me to bring my father in with me to sign paperwork.... after his death.

It's not that bad, but it's close. I have to go to court to close an account with $10 in it. Court fees start at $200+. No one else but dad, or the court, can close the account.

 

[Morticia]

My list would add, put the responsible one in charge of that paperwork.
Have the paperwork available, and not in a place where you need the paperwork to get the paperwork.
Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen..

Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen.

Especially if the person is going into a nursing home. Apparently the only money they can't seize is if you've prepaid your funeral.
Dad paid his funeral off a week or so before he died. Funeral director was aghast when he saw me and brother: "We didn't even know your dad was sick!"
And, yes, I'm in a battle with the bank as they froze the accounts. Luckily, the funeral check had cleared.
.

I would add
Have executor's name on all bank accounts so funds are available after death of co-owner. (I had no problems paying my mother's bills after her death since everything she owned was in my name as well as hers.)
.

Yes, a co owner would have solved a lot of issues.
I will say that I'm pleasantly surprised by how incredibly nice everyone has been. Perhaps not helpful, but at least understanding. Without fail, every person has said, 'sorry for your loss.'

 

[Samster]

This is a great list, Mort, and I know that it comes from a place of having to deal with 2 losses in a short amount of time. So big hugs to you as you continue to make your way through this...

Make sure your will names a personal representative (or whatever it's called in your state). I would add that when making out a will, don't add any odd conditions in it. I had to navigate for 2 years thru legal notices and letters because of a really silly condition in my mother's will. For some things that no one really cared about, but it was part of the probate process and really hung things up.
Co-ownership on monetary accounts is a lifesaver. Also, adding a co-owner to any real property (if you have a single surviving parent or are one, for example).
Yes, write your obit! Even if you don't publish it in a newspaper, it can really help survivors, mourners, friends, and memorial service officiants to know more about you (and maybe things they didn't know about you that happened in your life before they met you). Sometimes people are so much more interesting than we ever imagined!
Pick out your own type of memorial service and it's music, too. We lost a dear friend recently and he had time to plan this and it reflected on his life and personality. Instead of just a bunch of hymns or funeral dirges, the music we heard conjured up and connected indelible memories for us of this very gentle but fun soul.
Thanks for sharing...made me think...

 

[Morticia]

This is a great list, Mort, and I know that it comes from a place of having to deal with 2 losses in a short amount of time. So big hugs to you as you continue to make your way through this...

Make sure your will names a personal representative (or whatever it's called in your state). I would add that when making out a will, don't add any odd conditions in it. I had to navigate for 2 years thru legal notices and letters because of a really silly condition in my mother's will. For some things that no one really cared about, but it was part of the probate process and really hung things up.
Co-ownership on monetary accounts is a lifesaver. Also, adding a co-owner to any real property (if you have a single surviving parent or are one, for example).
Yes, write your obit! Even if you don't publish it in a newspaper, it can really help survivors, mourners, friends, and memorial service officiants to know more about you (and maybe things they didn't know about you that happened in your life before they met you). Sometimes people are so much more interesting than we ever imagined!
Pick out your own type of memorial service and it's music, too. We lost a dear friend recently and he had time to plan this and it reflected on his life and personality. Instead of just a bunch of hymns or funeral dirges, the music we heard conjured up and connected indelible memories for us of this very gentle but fun soul.
Thanks for sharing...made me think...

.

I do wish I had remembered to record a song to play at the cemetery for dad. We had a bagpiper for mom but he was awful.
The church basically gave us a list of acceptable readings and hymns. No ad libbing allowed. The singer was very good, tho.
Dad and I went over an 'info' sheet from the funeral home. No one else would do it with him, but it did help me quite a lot to write something up. Dad liked what I wrote for mom, so I continued the theme.

 

[Samster]

This is a great list, Mort, and I know that it comes from a place of having to deal with 2 losses in a short amount of time. So big hugs to you as you continue to make your way through this...

Make sure your will names a personal representative (or whatever it's called in your state). I would add that when making out a will, don't add any odd conditions in it. I had to navigate for 2 years thru legal notices and letters because of a really silly condition in my mother's will. For some things that no one really cared about, but it was part of the probate process and really hung things up.
Co-ownership on monetary accounts is a lifesaver. Also, adding a co-owner to any real property (if you have a single surviving parent or are one, for example).
Yes, write your obit! Even if you don't publish it in a newspaper, it can really help survivors, mourners, friends, and memorial service officiants to know more about you (and maybe things they didn't know about you that happened in your life before they met you). Sometimes people are so much more interesting than we ever imagined!
Pick out your own type of memorial service and it's music, too. We lost a dear friend recently and he had time to plan this and it reflected on his life and personality. Instead of just a bunch of hymns or funeral dirges, the music we heard conjured up and connected indelible memories for us of this very gentle but fun soul.
Thanks for sharing...made me think...

.

I do wish I had remembered to record a song to play at the cemetery for dad. We had a bagpiper for mom but he was awful.
The church basically gave us a list of acceptable readings and hymns. No ad libbing allowed. The singer was very good, tho.
Dad and I went over an 'info' sheet from the funeral home. No one else would do it with him, but it did help me quite a lot to write something up. Dad liked what I wrote for mom, so I continued the theme.
.

Sounds like you did a great job for your folks.
We hosted a memorial service/wake at our house for the mother of a couple of friends of mine. (The group wasn't going to be that large, but bigger than either of their homes would accommodate.) We had no idea what these gals were going to do.
But, there were no restrictions on the music. Neighbor sang a beautiful tune accompanied on the guitar by the grandson of the deceased. It was another very moving and memorable gathering to remember their mom, who was also a friend of mine.
There are an awful lot of church funerals that I've been to over the years and most included the 23rd Psalm and Amazing Grace. I really don't remember much else about them.
I've already picked out the music for my final send off when the time comes. It's pretty eclectic...

 

[Generic]

My list would add, put the responsible one in charge of that paperwork.
Have the paperwork available, and not in a place where you need the paperwork to get the paperwork.
Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen..

Have the money for the funeral in an account. If I hadn't had money, my father would still be waiting... my sibling doesn't have 2 nickels to rub together and the accounts were frozen.

Especially if the person is going into a nursing home. Apparently the only money they can't seize is if you've prepaid your funeral.
Dad paid his funeral off a week or so before he died. Funeral director was aghast when he saw me and brother: "We didn't even know your dad was sick!"
And, yes, I'm in a battle with the bank as they froze the accounts. Luckily, the funeral check had cleared.
.

The bank told me to bring my father in with me to sign paperwork.... after his death.
.

The bank told me to bring my father in with me to sign paperwork.... after his death.

It's not that bad, but it's close. I have to go to court to close an account with $10 in it. Court fees start at $200+. No one else but dad, or the court, can close the account.
.

Well, I had a lady send me a collection letter before I had probate done. I replied to the letter to head office, saying that I legally can't reply because I'm not appointed, but that a bank that has the legal designation as a "trust" here should know the laws and that the taxes have to be paid first and that they can't send a letter until someone is appointed. Then I told them to contact me only after I was appointed, which left them with the catch-22 of not being able to ask me if I was appointed... so off it went to a legal office who contacts me every few months to ask if the government has certified the taxes. I have to pay them when it is, so no point anyway, because I can't close the probate until then. But the bank is so scared that I will send that letter to the banking authorities at the government that they are just quietly waiting now.

 

[2cat_lady]

In 2017---
Get rid of crap! Get rid of anything that I don't want to subject my children to. Do I want their last memories of me to be wading through boxes of 'stuff' that I didn't even care enough about about to unpack? No! I've spent the last week wading through paper junk and trying to consolidate to the bare minimum. I'm talking about the personal side of things. The business has a standard that needs to be maintained, but we're just trying to simplify our lives. With every box I've dispatched, I've felt lighter and more liberated.
My mother wasn't a hoarder but she was just a typical housewife of her generation that had too much that she was saving for daughters that didn't want any of it. Thankfully, we had plowed through everything before she went into the retirement/nursing home and we were able to make sure her cherished items went to those who she chose and who welcomed them. The rest was donated or trashed. After her funeral, which was all taken care of years ago, everything was just handed over to the lawyers. Probate will probably take about a year and then everything will be done. I hope to make it even easier for my children.

 

[Morticia]

In 2017---
Get rid of crap! Get rid of anything that I don't want to subject my children to. Do I want their last memories of me to be wading through boxes of 'stuff' that I didn't even care enough about about to unpack? No! I've spent the last week wading through paper junk and trying to consolidate to the bare minimum. I'm talking about the personal side of things. The business has a standard that needs to be maintained, but we're just trying to simplify our lives. With every box I've dispatched, I've felt lighter and more liberated.
My mother wasn't a hoarder but she was just a typical housewife of her generation that had too much that she was saving for daughters that didn't want any of it. Thankfully, we had plowed through everything before she went into the retirement/nursing home and we were able to make sure her cherished items went to those who she chose and who welcomed them. The rest was donated or trashed. After her funeral, which was all taken care of years ago, everything was just handed over to the lawyers. Probate will probably take about a year and then everything will be done. I hope to make it even easier for my children..

Whenever my mother wanted to 'clean house' my dad would say, 'leave it for the kids, they'll handle it!'
It does make it easier that I know my mother wanted to get rid of stuff. Why we didn't do it earlier is because my dad cried whenever he asked what we were going to do with mom's clothes.
One step at a time.

 

[Generic]

In 2017---
Get rid of crap! Get rid of anything that I don't want to subject my children to. Do I want their last memories of me to be wading through boxes of 'stuff' that I didn't even care enough about about to unpack? No! I've spent the last week wading through paper junk and trying to consolidate to the bare minimum. I'm talking about the personal side of things. The business has a standard that needs to be maintained, but we're just trying to simplify our lives. With every box I've dispatched, I've felt lighter and more liberated.
My mother wasn't a hoarder but she was just a typical housewife of her generation that had too much that she was saving for daughters that didn't want any of it. Thankfully, we had plowed through everything before she went into the retirement/nursing home and we were able to make sure her cherished items went to those who she chose and who welcomed them. The rest was donated or trashed. After her funeral, which was all taken care of years ago, everything was just handed over to the lawyers. Probate will probably take about a year and then everything will be done. I hope to make it even easier for my children..

Whenever my mother wanted to 'clean house' my dad would say, 'leave it for the kids, they'll handle it!'
It does make it easier that I know my mother wanted to get rid of stuff. Why we didn't do it earlier is because my dad cried whenever he asked what we were going to do with mom's clothes.
One step at a time.
.

My dad left his company and it's inventory to sell. What a pain.

 

[gillumhouse]

In 2017---
Get rid of crap! Get rid of anything that I don't want to subject my children to. Do I want their last memories of me to be wading through boxes of 'stuff' that I didn't even care enough about about to unpack? No! I've spent the last week wading through paper junk and trying to consolidate to the bare minimum. I'm talking about the personal side of things. The business has a standard that needs to be maintained, but we're just trying to simplify our lives. With every box I've dispatched, I've felt lighter and more liberated.
My mother wasn't a hoarder but she was just a typical housewife of her generation that had too much that she was saving for daughters that didn't want any of it. Thankfully, we had plowed through everything before she went into the retirement/nursing home and we were able to make sure her cherished items went to those who she chose and who welcomed them. The rest was donated or trashed. After her funeral, which was all taken care of years ago, everything was just handed over to the lawyers. Probate will probably take about a year and then everything will be done. I hope to make it even easier for my children..

We cleared Mom's house when she went into the nursing home. No one wanted her sewing machine but even though I had my own, I took it.It is the one I use now. After everyone took what they wanted (steps & kids - she moved into their Father's house when they married 25 years earlier), there was still a mountain - and I MEAN a mountain - of stuff at the end of the driveway for trash pick up.
Moving here got rid of a lot, but in 22 years, lot has been replaced. As I found things I had for the B & B that were not used or, as in some delicately thin glass goblets Himself hated having to was them for fear of breaking, I took them up to the Shabby Chic Sisters to sell in their shop for pure profit for them. (Until it left town, I took some things to the Penny Pincher that was run by one of the Missions)
AND I just realized that if I empty one file folder a week on the file cabinet in my bedroom. I can have it empty probably by summer. Then I can tackle the 2-drawer file cabinet upstairs. I think it mostly contains stuff pertaining to my aunt. That will be an easy one. PAPER is my enemy.

 

[user 26]

sad but necessary
I will just add one thing as I don't see it here (might have missed it).
Write down what you want done with your remains. Cremated or not. Buried or scattered and if so, where? Some people have cemetery plots, many do not.
My parents pre-planned to have their cremains 'join' her parents at the cemetery but the one thing they did not pre-plan was to add their names to a stone or anything. It bothered me that there was no indication they were there. I did some research and found I could get a marker free of charge for my father as a veteran's benefit. And was able to have my mother's info on it as well. I chose a marble one; it lies flat on the ground.
As for my late husband ... well ... he was in his 50's, I was in my 40's and we did not plan AT ALL. As a result, I have his cremains with me. When I've traveled, I've brought a small amount along to that place. Sometimes I think about sending him up into space, or placed in a coral reef, or made into jewelry ... But it would have been nice to know what he'd have wanted.

 

[Morticia]

sad but necessary
I will just add one thing as I don't see it here (might have missed it).
Write down what you want done with your remains. Cremated or not. Buried or scattered and if so, where? Some people have cemetery plots, many do not.
My parents pre-planned to have their cremains 'join' her parents at the cemetery but the one thing they did not pre-plan was to add their names to a stone or anything. It bothered me that there was no indication they were there. I did some research and found I could get a marker free of charge for my father as a veteran's benefit. And was able to have my mother's info on it as well. I chose a marble one; it lies flat on the ground.
As for my late husband ... well ... he was in his 50's, I was in my 40's and we did not plan AT ALL. As a result, I have his cremains with me. When I've traveled, I've brought a small amount along to that place. Sometimes I think about sending him up into space, or placed in a coral reef, or made into jewelry ... But it would have been nice to know what he'd have wanted..

Also, for folks who are veterans, there is help that can be had for the burial. Best to check early on a location if you want to be in a particular cemetery.
Those veteran memorial markers are a nice touch.