The Stupidest Questions You Hear...

[Generic]

I want to hear the questions that you get asked that are so stupid that you are seething inside because you want to answer sarcastically, but being a good host, you just can't! (Oh, and add your sarcastic answers, that you wish you could have given.)
I live in a genuine Victorian house, built in 1885 and the winner for the stupidest question (so far) as to be someone who asked me "when did they install the plumbing?"
Well, ma'am, they installed the plumbing in 1895... I know that because I was here while they were installing it!
Why do you have rubber mats on your steps? (as she walks down the slippery side of the steps. We all have them, they are recycled tires and help give you sure footing in the winter with the ice and snow.)
Well, ma'am, we installed them so that cars can drive into the house.

 

[JBloggs]

"Is the bathroom shared" this question is asked about the STAND ALONE COTTAGE WHICH IS OUTSIDE STANDING ALONE.

 

[JBloggs]

"How long would it take to get there from <insert any city on the planet>" and I am supposed to know, because? I have told a few "I have never been there in my life, I have no idea, did you google map or mapquest it?"
Or wait, people came to the door as I was typing this looking for a restaurant. Bed and BREAKFAST, it is 6pm.

 

[Mini]

Is this all the original furniture? Yes, of course from 105 years ago, still standing in as good as shape as it was then.
Has this always been a b and b? Yes, of course from 105 years ago before there were any.
Was the original owner your great great grandfather and did you inherit this? Yes of course, NOT. I could only wish I did not have a mortgage.
Do you actually live here as well? No we leave you alone to fend for yourselves.

 

[Generic]

Is this all the original furniture? Yes, of course from 105 years ago, still standing in as good as shape as it was then.
Has this always been a b and b? Yes, of course from 105 years ago before there were any.
Was the original owner your great great grandfather and did you inherit this? Yes of course, NOT. I could only wish I did not have a mortgage.
Do you actually live here as well? No we leave you alone to fend for yourselves..

Do you actually live here as well? No, we are dropping in by helicopter each day.
Where is your room? We don't have a room, we hang down like bats in the closet over there.

 

[SomeGuestsSuck]

All the time people point at the gas fireplace in their room and ask: "Does that work?"
Or, when I get to the How To Turn On The Fireplace part of the check-in they'll say, in surprised fashion, "Oh! That works does it?!"
The first time someone said it to me I just thought they were a bit weird - but then hundreds more went on to say the same thing.
Asking the question must mean there's a chance they think the answer's "no", so are there thousands of B&Bs out there with things that look like gas fireplaces but which are purely ornamental?
Why would anyone go to the trouble of installing something like that if it DIDN'T work?

 

[gillumhouse]

All the time people point at the gas fireplace in their room and ask: "Does that work?"
Or, when I get to the How To Turn On The Fireplace part of the check-in they'll say, in surprised fashion, "Oh! That works does it?!"
The first time someone said it to me I just thought they were a bit weird - but then hundreds more went on to say the same thing.
Asking the question must mean there's a chance they think the answer's "no", so are there thousands of B&Bs out there with things that look like gas fireplaces but which are purely ornamental?
Why would anyone go to the trouble of installing something like that if it DIDN'T work?.

They probably stayed here first - all my fireplaces are decorative now. We shut off the gas lines. Found the last one (we hope) in 2006.

 

[The Tipsy Butler]

What's that second sink for in the bathroom (we have bidets). OK - here's the full (short version) story.
Guest walks into a full dining room and loudly announces he had real trouble shaving in the "other" sink. He knew what it was and was just looking to get a rise out of me. I knew what I wanted to say, knew I shouldn't say it but said it any way.
My response:
"Well I guess it depends on what you're trying to shave".

 

[nkeeprs]

Just had a guy call this morning to book a room in June and wanted to ask if I new what time the sun would be rising so they would not be bothered by the sun in there face. I almost had to laugh out loud, but again maybe thats a good ?

 

[Copperhead]

What's that second sink for in the bathroom (we have bidets). OK - here's the full (short version) story.
Guest walks into a full dining room and loudly announces he had real trouble shaving in the "other" sink. He knew what it was and was just looking to get a rise out of me. I knew what I wanted to say, knew I shouldn't say it but said it any way.
My response:
"Well I guess it depends on what you're trying to shave"..

Choked on my coffee on this one.... That is funny.
My funniest is on ME when we went to Europe. We wondered why nothing, NOTHING worked in the room - lights, TV, A/C ---- Thought that was why we got a good deal!!! Yes, we saw the card holder near the door thought it was a neat idea but felt we would forget our door card using it. What a great way to ensure there is no wasted electrictiy.
Given what I know now, I would have had this done HERE! The other day walked in TWO rooms (2 couples traveling together) all the lights and TV's left on and they had taken a day trip.

 

[Joey Camb]

What's that second sink for in the bathroom (we have bidets). OK - here's the full (short version) story.
Guest walks into a full dining room and loudly announces he had real trouble shaving in the "other" sink. He knew what it was and was just looking to get a rise out of me. I knew what I wanted to say, knew I shouldn't say it but said it any way.
My response:
"Well I guess it depends on what you're trying to shave"..

Choked on my coffee on this one.... That is funny.
My funniest is on ME when we went to Europe. We wondered why nothing, NOTHING worked in the room - lights, TV, A/C ---- Thought that was why we got a good deal!!! Yes, we saw the card holder near the door thought it was a neat idea but felt we would forget our door card using it. What a great way to ensure there is no wasted electrictiy.
Given what I know now, I would have had this done HERE! The other day walked in TWO rooms (2 couples traveling together) all the lights and TV's left on and they had taken a day trip.

.

the only trouble with this system is where I used to work at the Yorkshire you had to put your key fob into the slot to operate your lights. However you told everyone on check in and then they would get to the room and ring down none of my lights work drove us bonkers. Also the original company that made the system went bust and you couldnt get exact fobs made so sometimes you had to pull it towards you to make it work and all sorts. Plus if it was a couple and one came back without the key they couldn't get the lights on even if you let them in. The theory is great practice is something else.

 

[Joey Camb]

we just had one through on a booking - please may we have a room with a window? as their special request!

 

[Proud Texan]

I get this one all the time with phone reservations. Though they are looking at the website and have read our clearly stated policies concerning no children and no pets, we get,
THEY: "I see here that you don't accept children/pets.....could you make an exception?"
ME: "No."
THEY: "But our child/pet is very
a. well behaved
b. small
c. will sleep with us (we have one queen per room)
d. doesn't eat much
e. we'll pay extra
It's funny the first couple of times, then it gets irritating.

 

[Breakfast Diva]

This was said recently to a friend of mine who has had her b&b 23 years. "Have you ever had all 4 rooms filled at the same time?"
LOL

 

[Alibi Ike]

As I was checking into my hotel the other day I went thru the whole list, cringing every time I asked a question:

• Where do I park?
• Is this the only entrance?
• Is this where I bring the luggage?

Felt like a total idiot except the guy checking me in was brand new so he hadn't heard those questions 1000's of times yet.

 

[Alibi Ike]

What's that second sink for in the bathroom (we have bidets). OK - here's the full (short version) story.
Guest walks into a full dining room and loudly announces he had real trouble shaving in the "other" sink. He knew what it was and was just looking to get a rise out of me. I knew what I wanted to say, knew I shouldn't say it but said it any way.
My response:
"Well I guess it depends on what you're trying to shave"..

Choked on my coffee on this one.... That is funny.
My funniest is on ME when we went to Europe. We wondered why nothing, NOTHING worked in the room - lights, TV, A/C ---- Thought that was why we got a good deal!!! Yes, we saw the card holder near the door thought it was a neat idea but felt we would forget our door card using it. What a great way to ensure there is no wasted electrictiy.
Given what I know now, I would have had this done HERE! The other day walked in TWO rooms (2 couples traveling together) all the lights and TV's left on and they had taken a day trip.

.

the only trouble with this system is where I used to work at the Yorkshire you had to put your key fob into the slot to operate your lights. However you told everyone on check in and then they would get to the room and ring down none of my lights work drove us bonkers. Also the original company that made the system went bust and you couldnt get exact fobs made so sometimes you had to pull it towards you to make it work and all sorts. Plus if it was a couple and one came back without the key they couldn't get the lights on even if you let them in. The theory is great practice is something else.
.

The place I'm staying has that keycard electronic system. Makes it tough to charge the phone...

 

[domestique]

Too funny, you crazy kids! Snorting beer out my nose!

 

[JBloggs]

I know this is heard so often that it never even comes to mind in this category. "I see you have a two night minimum but we only want to stay one night."

 

[Joey Camb]

another one which makes me laugh is " Oh are you busy?" or when they ring up to book on the monday for the saturday and are super surprised we are full! DUH! I think they think we all just hang about hoping they will call. Sorry lots of other people in the world were more organised than you.
People just don't get it as of monday this week we have 2000 microbiologists comming to town for 4 nights and 2200 people from the federation of perolium suppliers arriving on tuesday for 4 nights so no you will not get a room on wednesday!

 

[Breakfast Diva]

Are you open on weekends only?