Destination Wedding

[AussieFarmStay]

My sister in law (widow) is getting remarried and having a wow of a wedding. (We have told her we aren't going as its our busiest time (sch hols)).
She has made it in FIJI for 7 nights and its all out and everyone pays for themselves....Even all day spa treatments, deep sea charters and another fishing trip...... Groan...... $$$$$$$$$$$
Easily 10k per couple probably closer to 13k
The extended family are not rich (far from it) and most haven't even been OS.
Also she has asked for and never returned over 60K over the past 10 years to make ends meet without her partner.....
I just think its so selfish. So Kim Kardashian.......
Has anyone had a destination wedding invitation and how did you, or would you handle it?

 

[TheBeachHouse]

You simply send regrets.
It is crazy to ask someone to spend $10k to go to your wedding.

 

[Generic]

Never understood the destination wedding thing. Sorry, can't make it. It's that or food. We chose food.

 

[Lee2014]

Send card, gift, and wish them the best! My youngest uncle had a wedding similar....we didn't go since we couldn't afford it.

 

[gillumhouse]

Just as you have - sorry but it is our busy season and we have reservations. I have traveled to a wedding because I wanted to be there, but not to the tune of the dollars you are talking. WOW!! When we closed down to go to our daughter's (re) marriage, SHE and the groom paid for the motel rooms for the family (including aunts & uncles) because we all had to travel - and they wanted to do it to ease the $$ pain. (When my cousin's son married in California, we paid all out own expenses to go - because I wanted to see my cousin who lived in Germany.)
I have often wondered at how it worked for "destination" weddings. It would be one thing to pay transportation & lodging, but all the extra stuff sounds a bit over the top.
Years ago, a dear friend's daughter was getting married in Boston where she was living - he lived in Illinois but his family lived in Ohio. HE paid the plane & lodging for his parents and his brother & wife to attend. Yours sound cheeky - especially after doling out funds already over the years.

 

[user 26]

As Duff said ... You write on the rsvp 'Sorry we can't make it. Have a lovely time!' Send a card if you choose to. I wouldn't worry about explaining unless she calls to talk about it. But it seems you've already explained?
A niece had a destination wedding. Someplace in the Caribbean, not sure where. Her mother went but not her father ... her sisters went. Her sister in law went but not her brother. No hard feelings. It was a vacation. But NOT at that cost. I think it was $1500 to go and it was about 5 years ago. She invited but did not expect attendance. I did not go. But I wished I was younger and unencumbered, I would've maxed out some credit card and gone and had a time!
What is sch hols?

 

[OnTheShore]

As Duff said ... You write on the rsvp 'Sorry we can't make it. Have a lovely time!' Send a card if you choose to. I wouldn't worry about explaining unless she calls to talk about it. But it seems you've already explained?
A niece had a destination wedding. Someplace in the Caribbean, not sure where. Her mother went but not her father ... her sisters went. Her sister in law went but not her brother. No hard feelings. It was a vacation. But NOT at that cost. I think it was $1500 to go and it was about 5 years ago. She invited but did not expect attendance. I did not go. But I wished I was younger and unencumbered, I would've maxed out some credit card and gone and had a time!
What is sch hols?.

school holidays, I presume

 

[Breakfast Diva]

Send your best wishes and that's all. If I read your post correctly, she's borrowed $60,00 from you and/or family? If that's the case, I doubt I would even send a wedding gift. This is very selfish and she should be paying her debts instead of such luxuries. But that's just my 2 cents.

 

[Morticia]

We invited ourselves to a destination wedding. We could only stay 3 days but it was worth it.
However, I wouldn't go to the wedding you're talking about with someone so obviously oblivious to the people she asked.

 

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[JBloggs]

It's not even feasible. It's absurd really.

 

[MtnKeeper]

I've never understood how someone could be so selfish to book a destination wedding and expect family and friends to pay for it. Many people only get one nice vacation a year (some none at all) so I would never presume that they'd use up their vacation money on my day. Now if it was just my hubby and I and our immediate family (like mothers, sister & brother) then I'd do it and pay for their trip so they could take part in our special day.
Just send a card and don't bother yourself about it again.

 

[undersea]

My reply would be "have a good time." I don't want to go on other people's idea of an odd honeymoon.
I get 2 weeks vacation, it is not available for others to schedule for me.
I also determine how my bank account is spent and where I stay. It takes a long time to bank a thousand or two after the govt, living expenses, and everything else that happens to one's earnings. It is not available for others to decide how to spend it.
An uncle had a funeral across the country at the same time a dear friend's wedding locally (I had accepted a couple months before). Guess which one I attended?
Even just the cost for someone to be in the wedding party in their own county can be ridiculous. I have heard of ladies who wind up being a popular choice as a bridemaid, and get asked multiple times a year. For a low income person, that can be a real hardship.
I sometimes think certain couples think "only the best" and "spare the expense" without considering that they are running over other people's plans and lives.